 Reporters clamoured to question the President on this new revelation but he refused to be drawn on the details. The dossier of evidence which was handed over to all the main news channels and papers merely contained a hand drawn picture of Osama Bin Laden in a German bunker drinking tea with a figure who was unmistakably Hitler. Bush claimed the picture was drawn by an eye witness who barely escaped with his life. Al´Qaeda were quick to deny any links this morning but Hitler was unavailable for comment. |
 Speculation about the reasons for this lack of interest have centred around the tedious and yawn inducing British number one Tim Henman. The odious little bastard has been held directly responsible for destroying the popularity of tennis in the UK after every person in the country admitted that they´d rather chew their own feet off than have to watch him clench his fist again. Wimbledon organisers are believed to be responsible for an advert placed in the Sunday Times last week offering a £20,000 reward to anyone willing to kill Henman. London Police Chief David Humber was quoted as saying "We would normally take a dim view of this type of thing but in his case I´m willing to turn a blind eye." Amateur killers are expected to take to the streets in their droves this weekend to hunt the top tennis star and Endemol are intending to film the event as a follow up to Channel 4´s Big Brother. |
The burning will take place in Trafalgar Square at 6pm on Saturday and interested people are advised to arrive early if they expect to get a glimpse of the ceremony. Proceedings will kick off with a public flogging of the England manager Sven Goran Erikkson and build up towards the burning of Beckham and a huge fireworks display. His wife Victoria is expected to attend. 
Prime Minister Tony Blair released a statement from Downing Street today stating that he was "bored of voters." It went on to explain that the Prime Minister felt he really didn´t have to explain himself to anyone and that everyone could just "piss off." Sources close to the PM suggested that this had been coming for a long time and Mr Blair was well within his rights to completely ignore every man, woman and child in the country if he felt like it. Mr Blair´s childhood lover, Peter Mandelson, had this to say "The ordinary peasants of Britain have always been too demanding and it´s about time they realised that Tony doesn´t have to listen to them. He´s the Prime Minister for god´s sake he can do what he likes, frankly they are lucky he doesn´t just push the button and put a stop to their whining once and for all." |
